How Marketers Would Relaunch the Christmas Brand: Part I

Imagine if marketers tried to update the Christmas brand. Which classic traditions would supposedly be “improved” through the eyes of a marketing company?

Would eggnog be re-introduced with RedBull? Would elves be outsourced to India? Let’s find out, in this (very tongue-in-cheek) look at the Christmas brand, relaunched for success in 2012.

MEMO
TO: The Santa Claus marketing team

Hello team, great to see you all at North Pole headquarters last week. As discussed, here are a variety of ways to update your Christmas marketing for 2012.

Cooler Jingles: Too many of our jingles (a.k.a. “Christmas carols”) are are outdated.

Solution: Update content with fresher topics. For instance: “This Christmas at Mommy’s, Next Christmas at Daddy’s with His Younger Girlfriend We Call By Her First Name.”

Improve spokesperson image: Parental groups are complaining that Santa is a poor role model, because of his obesity and pipe smoking.

Solution: Consider partnering with Jenny Craig for a “before/after” campaign, and do some Phillip Morris work pro bono.

Improve Santa’s Google search results: Consumers are searching online for Santa under too many different search terms (St. Nicolas, Old Saint Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, etc.).

Solution: Focus all SEO on “Santa.” Cut jargon such as ‘Twas, ‘Tis, O’, and Yon.

Target audience: We’re losing market share to competitors such as Hinduism, and startups like Wicca. Christianity holds a leadership position with two billion consumers, but trending downward. To expand the Christmas brand, start by increasing the Christian population.

Solution: Introduce Redbull vodka-laced eggnog to attract the 21 – 35 demo.

Avoid protest: Animal-rights bloggers could protest mistreatment, since our reindeer activity continues longer than 8 hours on Christmas Eve.

Solution: Check with the legal dept argue that overtime doesn’t count across multiple time zones?

Introduce a lil’ sidekick: Jolly Green Giant had Sprout, Scooby Doo had Scrappy Doo, and Dr. Evil had Mini-Me.

Solution: What kind of lil’ sidekick can we cast with Santa? (Note: The media department says we could broaden demographic appeal by casting taller elves.)

Elf labor: Hourly employee overhead is rising.

Solution: Outsource the Christmas list database to India.

Merge with Winter Solstice or Birthday: December calendar is too cluttered. We need to stand out!

Solution: Co-brand a holiday with Winter Solstice, unless we have the budget to acquire New Year’s Eve.

Christmas vs. Birthday: We are losing retail sales to birthday gifts throughout the year. This needs to stop.

Solution: Stir up some buzz by taking on the competition directly with a Mac vs. PC approach… Christmas vs. Birthday.

Thank you, Santa marketing team, for inviting us to share my ideas. Looking forward to your feedback next month at the annual retreat in St. Thomas.

Sincerely,

Acme Marketing Company

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What do YOU think of marketers updating the Christmas brand? Yay or nay?

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Share a slap of holiday cheer! Copy and paste these retweetable bits.

Updating the Christmas brand for 2012: Redbull eggnog? http://bit.ly/uyqsuy by @SallyHogshead

What would happen if Christmas partnered with birthdays? http://bit.ly/uyqsuy by @SallyHogshead

Should the Christmas brand merge with New Year’s Eve? http://bit.ly/uyqsuy by @SallyHogshead

The Jolly Green Giant has Sprout, and Dr. Evil has Mini-Me. Does Santa need a sidekick? http://bit.ly/uyqsuy by @SallyHogshead

How Santa can improve his SEO: No more St. Nicolas, Old Saint Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle http://bit.ly/uyqsuy by @SallyHogshead